Intentional Observers instead of Anxious Critics

Recently, in a conversation with close friends, we got to the topic of finances.

The question was posed, "How do you make intentional decisions about your money?"

Maybe the question was too open-ended. Maybe we jumped at the opportunity to hear ourselves talk. Maybe we thought we knew more than we did.

It felt like we rambled for 30 minutes and by the end arrived at a point where tactical takeaways were the "solution".

Review the budget more closely. Give money away. Have an annual retreat to reflect on the past and craft the future. Ensure we're saving to some degree.

Nothing was inherently wrong with any of these takeaways, but each felt sort of abstract, stale, and aimless.

After a couple of days, I circled back via email to acknowledge my discontentment with how the conversation went. I clarified that doubling down on tactics was not the takeaway I envisioned from the conversation and concluded with...

"I think identifying, reflecting, and refining our “whys” over time is what we are trying to get better at doing."

With the help of our friends, the beauty of this framework was quickly revealed...

It provides freedom. Your whys can and will change over time and that is OK.

It provides an intentional and simple start. You can identify a single "why" and then refine it with time. Then apply the same framework to your second, third, and one hundredth "why".

It provides feedback. If you've been specific with your "why", it's easier to know when it is or is not being accomplished. It's also easier to realize that it has changed.

It fosters connection by allowing us to reflect on what matters to us and to those around us.

It helps establish values without using the word "value".

It helps us become "intentional observers" instead of "anxious critics" of ourselves.

Thanks to CB and KB for helping us connect the dots!