45 | Lost in the Weeds

This post is Part 1 of 3 of the "Zooming Out Instead of Fixating on the Details" series.

One of the first challenges with money is orienting to what matters and what doesn't matter so we can experience real financial well being.

Because finances are complex and hard to talk about, it's easier than ever for conversations about money to get lost in the weeds.

Once you're lost in the weeds, it's hard to get out, it's easy to become overwhelmed and feel like you "don't have what it takes to succeed", and it can seem like the only solution is "more".

Sadly, much of the financial services industry begs us to dive further into the weeds by emphasizing and marketing undifferentiated "products" - investments, financial plans, and tactics - as the things that you're missing.

We don't need experts driving us further into the weeds, because the reality is that any conversation about finances is always at significant risk of getting lost in the weeds...

We find ourselves evaluating different banks trying to squeeze out an extra 0.20% of interest thinking it will make a difference - "more" must be better! - instead of acknowledging that the fact that we have cash set aside and available at any moment, not its rate of return, is what actually matters.

We find ourselves haggling or stressing over the last few thousand dollars in the sale or purchase of a home - how much "more" can I capture? - instead of realizing that 99% of the financial implications of the decision are already water under the bridge.

We find ourselves wondering if we, or an advisor, can find the handful of investments, of the tens of thousands that exist, that will provide the most return - "more" has to be better! - instead of acknowledging that as long as we care for a few basic things that infinite combinations of investments can be good enough.

We find ourselves wrapped around the axle on the precise level of this year's raise or bonus - "more" today must be better! - instead of assessing and reflecting on the trajectory and sustainability of income over the next couple of decades.

We find ourselves defeated and discouraged when we exceed an arbitrary monthly budget for any category of spending - if only we had "more"! - instead of intentionally observing the spending over a longer period of time and evaluating its role in driving lasting contentment.

We find ourselves perplexed and overwhelmed by the different types of accounts that we could use to save - which one will lead to "more"? - instead of knowing that the fact that we're actually saving is the ice cream sundae and the exact account to which we save is only the cherry on top.

We find ourselves ruminating and socializing on the daily, weekly, or monthly moves in the stock market - "more" must make these emotions go away? - instead of accepting that the short term moves don't mean a thing and that they will never go away.

Getting lost in the weeds in one category can hijack our relationship with money, but society makes it hard not to get lost in the weeds in every single category.

Once we're lost in the weeds, then any effort to address the feeling of disorientation, overwhelm, or discontentment is a lot like pushing on a rope...

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46 | Pushing on a Rope

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44 | The Urge