139 | You Are Not My Enemy

In our first years of marriage, one of our best friends shared simple, yet profound advice that has stuck with me for more than a decade.

To diffuse tension, he acknowledged how powerful it can be to take a moment, make eye contact, and say out loud...

"You are not my enemy."

Of course, this seems too simple, but so often conflict comes out of basic misunderstanding and miscommunication more than it stems from fundamentally different desires.

And look no further than money for an arena that pits us as opponents - instead of teammates - before we even know there is a game.

The opportunities for lines in the sand are endless, but neither side gets you off the “are-we-still-on-track-or-can-we-loosen-the-belt?" train.

A nice restaurant feels like a frivolous expense to one person and like the most satisfying investment of dollars for the other.

A couple pieces of furniture feel like an unnecessary upgrade to one person and the key to unlocking confidence to host for the other.

There are careers to build and there are relationships with family and friends that don’t maintain themselves and don’t last forever.

I think finances make it easy to feel like opponents because...

  • It's difficult to clearly see what is happening with our finances.
  • It's difficult to get thoughts and feelings out of our head and into words.
  • It's easy to assume our desires are more different than they are the same.
  • It's difficult to acknowledge (or easy to forget!) what we're aiming for.

But if we can create some space for these things to happen, it becomes a little easier to see that there are no enemies.

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140 | The Millennial’s Dilemma

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138 | Limited Options