251 | The Good Relationship

Money, no matter the number of 0’s, will always be a relationship to refine.

Because there is no finish line or final destination - only habits and values to clarify over time.

The biggest risk - by far - is losing track of the story that our money is telling.

Which happens when we…

• Get lost in the weeds.

• Put our head in the sand.

• Measure success only in dollars.

• Expect perfection.

• Keep secrets.

All of these, a natural, but broken way to relate to scarce resources and an unknown future.

But the good relationship extinguishes a scarcity mindset with healthy flows more than nest eggs.

And healthy flows look like…

Income that leverages natural gifts and skill sets. Allows for rest, breaks, and even leisure. Cares about endurance more than maximization. Draws us nearer to the people around us. Knows that every dollar before we break-even is priceless, and every dollar after break-even is not. Grows more pleasurable to earn over time.

Spending that slowly becomes a clearer reflection of who we are. Acknowledges that every dollar spent builds an expectation of the future. Adjusts in the face of uncertainty and disappointment. Respects the sneakiness of envy. Knows that generosity increases contentment, while debt does the opposite. Measures the quality of spending by its return, more than its cost.

Saving that understands its most important purpose is to govern expectations. Relieves the pressure of perfectly timed income and expenses. Knows that the landing spot is more art than science. Appreciates that cash on hand provides flexibility today and endurance tomorrow. Recognizes that saving too much is as harmful as not saving enough - it’s just harder to spot. Realizes that “saving” is ultimate evidence that you know how to handle money.

Investing that is patient because it is informed (at least slightly) and committed (fully). Knows the two guarantees 1) someone will always outperform you, and 2) holding during scary times is the only way to succeed. Being an owner offers the most potential reward. Spreading your eggs across many baskets reduces nausea. The longer you’re invested, the more likely it works as expected. And that your investments will always be a distraction in your relationship with money.

Predictably, as our relationship improves, it becomes obvious that "more" does not magically lead to "better".